Bound Not By Blood
by LizzayMartini
Summary: Alison DiLaurentis, Emily Fields, Spencer Hastings, Hanna Marin and Aria Montgomery are born within minutes of one another. Growing up, they've always been as close as any five people can be. When tragedy strikes for one of them, it takes it's toll on the other four. One of them, more so than the others. Based on The Pact by Jodi Picoult.
1. Chapter 1

**I know, I know. I shouldn't be starting a whole new story when I'm lagging so badly with my other one and I apologize in advance for that. However, I've recently re-read The Pact by Jodi Picoult for about the 11th time and it's inspired me. So, this story will be loosely based on that novel and whether you choose to follow this story or not, I HIGHLY recommend that everyone read it. Next to the Harry Potter series, it is my all-time favorite book. Warning, it deals with suicide and if you are dealing with suicidal thoughts in your personal life, it may be triggering. I've been there, and I know how hard it is to feel those feelings and not know where to go or who to turn to. So, I'm just putting it out there that this story will involve themes and situations that revolve around it. If you ever need to talk, never hesitate to talk to me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars, _The Pact_ or any characters in this story unless otherwise stated. This will be slightly AU. And just for future references, in this story Ali was raised as an only child. Jason is a Hastings.**

Alison DiLaurentis, Emily Fields, Spencer Hastings, Hanna Marin and Aria Montgomery were born within minutes of each other. It was the strangest phenomenon ever to occur in the small city of Rosewood, Pennsylvania. Their mothers, Jessica, Pam, Veronica, Ashley and Ella had known each other most of their lives, having grown up in Rosewood themselves. Shortly after Ashley Marin discovered that she was pregnant with Hanna, the other four took pregnancy tests each resulting positive in quick succession. The exception to that was Ella. Jessica, Pam and Veronica learned of their respective pregnancies within two weeks of Ashley, whereas Ella did not conceive for another three months. Never the less, all five women gave birth within a few short minutes of the others.

The five girls were inseparable from the moments they were born. Save for Aria, who was born eleven weeks early and had to spend seven weeks alone in the NICU of the hospital. The girls cried constantly. It became clear to their parents early on that the one thing that could always calm their child's screams was each other's company. Each day of the week a different mother hosted the other four until each of the girls was sleeping through the night of their own accord.

At five, when they began kindergarten, Alison had initially been enrolled in a private school without the others. For the entire first week of school, all five of them vomited uncontrollably until they were together until the afternoon. It only last for one week, Alison's parents withdrew her from private school after that. Spencer broke her arm in second grade, and each of the other girls' arms swelled up like balloons for weeks. When they were eleven and Aria got her period, the other four joined the club of womanhood within days. It was some unexplainable by doctors, but every thing that one girl did, the other four did as well without any effort, until they were fourteen years old.

That was the year that everything changed. They were starting high school in the fall, something the girls had so looked forward to from the time they were in fifth grade. All of either grade, they had spoken of absolutely nothing else. But, things were different after. Alison, the leader of the group, was taken from them in the most unfortunate way. She and her father had been driving home from a father-daughter trip to New York City one a bizarrely rainy night in late July, a mere six weeks before school started up again, and David DiLaurentis lost control, sending the two of them off the side of the freeway.

Spencer, whom had bumped heads with Ali the most, cried herself to sleep for weeks after receiving the news. Hanna, whom Ali had picked on the most, began to work even harder to lose the extra weight Alison had always made fun of her for having. Aria, who almost always sided with Spencer in their arguments, wrote a collection of letters, private ones with things nobody but Ali knew, to Ali to get her feelings out. Emily, who had been the closest to and most protective of Ali, went numb. She cried hysterically, as the other three had, but something inside of her died the day that Ali did.

None of them wanted to believe it. Not at first. Emily especially was convinced all the way up until the open-casket funeral, that there had been some sort of mistake. Maybe David had taken Alison away somewhere; it had been no secret that a divorce was on the horizon for Ali's parents. Or Ali had run off with the much older boyfriend she'd been sneaking around with all summer. Honestly, that was something that actually seemed plausible. But, five excruciating days later, four fourteen year olds sat in the front row of the funeral for the best friend they'd all lost too soon.

"Ali was a character." Spencer had said with a chuckle. "She and I fought endlessly over every little thing. The problem wasn't that we were too different, but that we were too much alike. And people always seemed to think that we hated each other. But, the truth is, _nobody _loved her more than the four of us. Nobody."

_I did._ Emily had thought when Spencer gave her eulogy. It was a thought that she kept to herself, however. After that day, while Hanna, Spencer and Aria gravitated even more towards one another, Emily pulled away. She spent just as much time with them, of course, but all of the girls knew that this was hardest on her. One afternoon at the end of September, Hanna showed up on the Fields' doorstep unannounced. This was completely normal for the girls, a phone call ahead of time was rare.

"You know where to find her, dear." Pam said easily, stepping aside for Hanna to get in. Hanna wasted no time, taking the stairs two at a time, until she got to Emily's bedroom door. She didn't bother knocking before letting herself in.

"Ever heard of knocking?" Emily said, not so much as looking up from the textbook that was open on the bed in front of her.

"Since when do I knock" Hanna quipped taking a seat on the chair at the desk. "Em, I know you're the one that's taken… the accident the hardest, but you can't shut us out forever. Cradle to grave."

"Yeah, well, Ali didn't get to follow _us_ cradle to grave." Emily said angrily. It wasn't the first time one of the girls tried in vain to lift her spirits. They didn't understand. _And I can't help them to understand._

"We're all heartbroken, Emily." Hanna said sharply. "You think it's not killing us to know that every time we see each other there's a face missing? Emily, she was all of our best friend."

"Hanna." Emily warned. She finally lifted her gaze and locked eyes with the blonde girl, now the only one left in their group. "I'm sorry if I'm not bouncing back from this as quickly as the three of you would like, but I need some space."

"Emily, we don't need space." Hanna said, angry now. She stood suddenly from the cheair. "We have never pushed each other away. You need us."

"What I need," Emily said. "is for you to leave, now."

Hanna stared, shell-shocked, for several minutes before finally turning on her heel and leaving. She was about to exit through the kitchen when Pam stopped her.

"You know, Hanna," She said, placing a hand softly on Hanna's shoulder. "You have Kate, Aria has Mike and Spencer has Melissa and Jason. Emily had Alison. I know the five of you, your bond is different. But, you all still have your siblings; Emily just lost one of hers."

Hanna mulled this over in her head as she walked home. She had never in fourteen years realized that Alison and Emily were only children. She'd always thought they were sisters, even if not by blood.

The following week Benjamin Renner, a boy on Emily's swim team that had had a crush on her since the fifth grade, asked her if she'd like to go to a movie. Ben was shorter than she was, with short brown hair and eyes that weren't blue. The most important thing that Emily noticed about him, though, was that he wasn't a girl. She accepted the offer and decided then and there that Emily who had been in love with Alison was dead, buried at Arrow Grove cemetery with Ali's remains. Emily who would be in love with Ben, or any other boy that asked, was born.

**I'm not sure how long I'm planning to make this, but I know exactly where it is headed. It will span from Freshman year until the end of their Sophomore year, though each chapter will be spaced out differently. Reviews are love! I'll hopefully be updating Papa Don't Preach later tonight **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys for the reviews and alerts! It wasn't as many as I hoped for, but that's more than ok with me. This story is really resonating with me, and I just feel like it needs to be written.**

Disclaimer: I still don't own PLL. I still don't own the characters. And I still don't own The Pact. Which this story is based very loosely on. It's not an exact replica.

_April 2008_

Emily and Alison were lying on the bed in Emily's room one after in late April. School let out in two weeks and the other three girls were busy with various after school activities. Spencer was at the final field hockey scrimmage; Aria was at an orientation for her summer art class; and Hanna was out shopping with Kate for the upcoming masquerade ball. The girls were all too young to be invited to it, or else Emily figured she'd be accompanying Ali on a similar shopping trip.

Ali was on her stomach, flipping through the latest issue of Cosmopolitan while Emily laid on her back as she braided a friendship bracelet in yellow and pink – Ali's favorite colors. It was a new hobby Emily had picked up recently; she had planned on giving each of the girls a bracelet at their end of the year sleepover.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" Alison asked nonchalantly, and as easy going as she was asking it, Emily still felt herself getting nervous trying to think of a response. Ali, of course, had been the first one to get kissed back in fifth grade. Aria and Spencer had both had their first boyfriends in the past year and even Hanna had kissed her crush, Sean Ackard, at a party last month. Ali knew all of that.

"You know everything about me." Emily said after a few minutes. "You should know the answer."

"I know the answer," Alison replied. "I just don't know _why_."

"You don't know why you know everything about me?" Emily giggled, rolling over so that she was on her side facing Ali, her head propped up on her hand.

"No, stupid," Ali rolled her eyes. Most people thought Ali could be quite mean, but Emily had always seen it as Ali's way of being affectionate. "I mean, I don't know why you haven't kissed anyone before. You're really pretty."

Emily felt a stirring in her stomach at that. It had been happening a lot lately, though just with Ali. Ali would smile at her, or look at her a certain way and she'd feel this fluttery thing inside. Her cheeks began to burn and she hoped Ali couldn't tell that she was getting nervous. "No I'm not."

"Emily, when have I ever lied?" Emily gave her a pointed look. Lying was the game Ali was best at. It was how the five of them had gotten away with so much all of these years. "Ok, when have I ever lied to _you_?"

Emily thought about this for a minute. Really, when it got down to it, she and Ali were closer than the other girls. Aria, Spencer and Hanna were one sub-group and she and Ali were another. They all loved each other just the same, they had a bond that couldn't be broken amongst the five of them, but Emily would be lying if she said that she spent the same amount of time with the other three as she did with Alison, or that they knew as much about her as Ali did. "I guess you haven't. That I know of, at least."

"Next to me, you're the prettiest girl at school." Alison said, smiling at Emily in a way that she often did when it was just the two of them hanging out and she felt the butterflies floating around again. "I bet all of the boys would just die to kiss you. Hell, I bet even half of the girls would, too."

Emily blanched. Was Ali saying that on purpose? Did she… did she _know_?

Ali's phone rang a few minutes later, and when she saw who was calling she quickly jumped up from Emily's bed and told her she'd call later before taking off. For a couple of months Ali had been seeing an older boy from the high school. She and the others had been trying to figure out who, but they'd thus far come up blank. Emily pulled her knees up to her chest. She was trying to sort through all of these feelings. They weren't necessarily new feelings; Emily had felt something similar once for a girl named Paige in sixth grade. She'd been confused, unsure how to handle all of the things she was feeling, until Paige said that she wanted to be Emily's girlfriend in front of the rest of the class. When everyone started laughing, Emily couldn't admit that she had wanted that, too.

Things with Ali had started changing more recently. New Year's Eve she, Spencer, Hanna and Aria had joined the DiLaurentis family up to their cabin in the mountains for a ski trip. The girls had been able to break into the liquor cabinet after Jessica and David left for their party and downed two bottles of Vodka and a bottle of Jager. When the clock struck midnight, the girls had gone around pecking each other on the lips as they had countless times throughout their lives. But, when Ali gave Emily the traditional New Year's kiss, Emily was sure the world stopped spinning.

It'd been a few months now, and Emily was certain that she was falling for Ali. Hard. Everything Ali did made Emily see her in a completely different light. Her hair was somehow shinier, her voice was melodic. Her eyes were an endless sea; her smile as bright as the sun. More than anything Emily just wanted be the sole reason for that smile, and yet she knew that if she told Ali the truth, things would change. The one thing she didn't know was whether things would change for better or for worse. She wasn't sure she was ready to find out.

_October 2008_

Emily and Ben had been dating all of two weeks and already she had seen more of him than she had of the other girls. Aria had been happy for Emily when she told them that she and Ben had begun dating, but Spencer and Hanna had reservations. Hanna because she didn't like the idea of Emily pulling away, Spencer because she knew better. Since they had known him, Emily had shown no interest whatsoever in Ben. He was only a mediocre swimmer, whereas Emily was nothing short of phenomenal. He was smart, of course, but he was lazy and somewhat of a slob while Emily was a diligent worker. They were each dealing in their own way, so the girls simply let it be.

One Friday night after their swim meet, Ben and Emily went for ice cream. She didn't normally indulge in such things, but she'd just beat the school record for the butterfly and was the youngest in Rosewood history to do so. Celebration was in order. Her mother dropped them off at the ice cream shop, giving Emily enough money to go to the movies as well and told Emily to call when she was ready.

"It must be nice," Ben said. "To have parents that care, I mean."

"Parents?" Emily furrowed her brows, confused. "You have parents."

"I have parents who are in jail." Ben corrected. "But, I've lived with my aunt and uncle for most of my life."

"Oh." Emily said, ashamed that she really knew nothing about this boy that she'd known and had been swimming with for seven years. "I had no idea."

"I don't tell a lot of people. Only people who are special to me ever know the truth." Ben explained with a boyish grin, taking a bite of his chocolate ice cream. And just like that, Emily was smiling again. She honestly could think of two other times that she had smiled since Alison's death. The first had been when she'd received the call that her dad was coming home from Iraq. The second had been at a sleepover with the girls. Something Hanna said made Emily laugh, and too late did she realize that she was laughing about something Hanna had said about _Alison._

"It's ok to laugh, Em." Spencer told her. "She would have thought it was funny, too."

"We all miss her." Aria added sympathetically, her own eyes beginning to get glassy.

_Not like I do._

Being with Ben became easy after that. It became comfortable. He did most of the talking, but that suited Emily just fine. She never felt much like talking, anyway. On their one month anniversary, Ben brought flowers to her locker and told her that he loved her. Shocked, Emily simply replied with "Yeah, me too" and let him kiss her.

His lips weren't like what she thought. They were soft, but not as soft as another girl's might have been. Not as soft as she knew Alison's had been. But, she forced those feelings back down as she returned Ben's kiss. She was tentative at first, uneasy with the fact that there were so many people in the hallways with them, but soon she was parting her lips and letting him slide his tongue in.

The next week Spencer, Aria and Hanna came to Emily's house when they knew she'd be home from swim practice and begged her to go homecoming shopping with them.

"The dance is next week, Emily Lynn." Hanna scolded. "We need dresses! And Ben needs to know what color to wear."

"I don't know if I'm going to homecoming." Emily said, shuffling her feet awkwardly. The three others shared a glance, not sure where to take the conversation. "I just… I'd rather stay in. I don't feel much like dancing. That was Ali's thing."

They fell silent for several minutes. No one knew what to say. There was emptiness to the room anytime one of them mentioned Ali's name. They had at one point been five points of a star, now they were just a square. Aria wiped away tears that had formed in her eyes as Spencer wrapped an arm around her. Hanna, who had been sitting on the bed, wrapped her knees to her chest and assumed the fetal position. Emily leaned against her door frame, her head thrown back and her eyes shut gently.

"It hurts." She said quietly. "Everything hurts so, so much."

"I know." Spencer said shakily, her voice threatening to crack. "We feel it, too."

"Not like me." She whispered. She slipped out of the bedroom and locked herself in the bathroom. The walls around her were closing in, she could feel it. It was like this when Alison had first passed away. For days Emily thought she was actually going to suffocate because she couldn't breathe. Digging through the medicine cabinet, she found the razor she typically used to shave her legs. Carefully and quietly she popped the blade out of the handle.

She'd done this before, the night of the funeral and several nights afterward. The scars on her stomach were still pink and healing and the one on her wrist had been carefully concealed with swim team bracelets and Alison's friendship bracelet. She peeled them both off to reveal two pink scars: _AD. _

She raised the bottom of her shirt gently, running her fingertips over the marks she'd already created. Turning the blade in her hand until the sharp edge faced down, she raked it across her ribcage, applying more pressure as she went along.

"Ali…" She whimpered as the felt the warm fluid spill out of her, taking with it a small portion of the turmoil she was feeling inside. The girls knocked on the door, asked if she was alright. "I need a minute." She answered, continuing her ministrations. "Please, just give me a minute."

While the other three girl girls sat slumped on the ground in the hallway crying silently over the loss of one of their sisters, and the pain of another, Emily lay in a pile on the floor sobbing over the loss of the love she wasn't allowed to have.


	3. Chapter 3

_May 2008_

"_It's not what I'm used to, just wanna try you on…" _Ali sang as she twirled around in her bedroom, the new song by Katy Perry blaring on the stereo. The five girls were all dancing and laughing as Alison jumped onto her bed, dancing suggestively while serenading her friends. "_I'm curious for you, caught my attention…_"

Aria, Spencer and Hanna joined in at the chorus, jumping on the bed with Ali. Emily laughed, knowing she would bring more attention to herself if she didn't, but stayed anchored to the window seat as her friends belted out.

"_I kissed a girl and I liked it! The taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it!_"

Emily's head was swimming with images of Ali and her, alone, dancing a provocatively as Ali was now. Kissing, touching, whispering things that none of the others needed to know. Emily pictured all of things she wanted so desperately to with her and couldn't, when Ali pulled her from her reverie.

"Em, come on!" Ali reached a hand out. "Dance with us!"

"I don't like dancing, you know that." Emily argued weakly. They all knew that if Ali asked, Emily would do anything. No questions asked.

"You're no fun, Emily Lynn." Alison stuck her tongue out at her, making Emily's cheeks flush. She wondered what it would be like to kiss Ali for real. The image made her mouth go dry and her throat tighten. Emily thought all of her friends were pretty, sure, but she only wanted to kiss Ali. Hanna, Spencer and Aria were really much too much like sisters. And that was probably exactly how Ali saw her. "Even Hanna's dancing."

Hanna slowed at that, carefully getting down from the bed and joining Emily on the window seat. "Ali's just teasing." Emily said in what she hoped was a comforting tone.

"Okay, Killer." Hanna rolled her eyes. They'd given Emily the nickname years ago when Spencer compared her protectiveness over Ali to that of a pitbull trained to fight. It was ironic, Emily thought, that now her protectiveness was of a completely different nature.

"Don't be such a sourpuss, Hanna Banana." Ali said mockingly. "You know I _love_ you."

"Not like you love Emily." Hanna mumbled and Emily whipped her head so quickly that her ponytail swished against her face. "Emily never wants to join in and you're not mean to her. You guys are each others' favorites!"

"You're _all_ my favorite!" Alison declared, laughing as she continued dancing on her bed, bumping hips with Spencer and Aria in time to the music. "Sisters! Cradle to grave!"

"Cradle to grave!" Spencer and Aria chanted, giggling.

"Cradle to grave." Emily and Hanna said quietly in unison. Hanna, being the one Ali tormented the most, was annoyed that they'd been bonded together in this way without their consent. Of course, no matter how annoyed, it went without saying that Hanna would drop anything if any of the girls needed her.

Emily, on the other hand, was beginning to resent the phrase they had been using most of their lives. Cradle to grave. They were brought into this world closer than would be considered healthy by most people, and now here was Emily - the odd one out. Every single memory that she had included at least one of the other four girls. They'd been raised as sisters. She would always see Hanna, Spencer, and Aria that way, but would they feel the same if they knew that she liked girls? And would Ali ever see her as something more?

She knew everything about these girls. She knew their favorite colors, their favorite songs. She knew why they smiled and what made them laugh. She knew when to force them to talk and when to leave them be. She knew more about her friends than their own parents knew, and yet she had no idea what they would say if they knew. It could be frustrating at times, to have no mystery. But in this case, Emily was dying for a clue.

_October 2008_

Eventually, Emily caved and went homecoming shopping with the girls. They'd sat at the house crying for a good hour before Emily finally came out of the bathroom and announced that she would go shopping with them. Spencer asked over and over if she was sure, and reminded her that if she didn't want to go to homecoming they wouldn't be angry. Aria insisted that they should just go before Emily changed her mind, that shopping would help cheer all of them up. Hanna looked Emily up and down, knowing that this was not what she wanted. She wasn't sure what Emily did want, but she knew that going to homecoming was not it.

While in the dressing room, Emily examined her body more closely. The scars from previous cuts were almost white, healing nicely. The ones she had just made still had caked up blood along the welts. Carefully she scraped the red flakes from her skin before closing a hand over the wound. She hadn't meant for this to go so far. The first time she did it, she just needed to feel _something. _The more she did it, though, the easier it became to act like nothing was wrong. Her friends saw through the act, she knew, but was thankful more than anything that they weren't saying anything.

Four hours and four dresses later, the girls were in the largest shoe boutique Rosewood had to offer. Hanna was looking for gold shoes to accent the belt she had gotten to go with her teal dress. Spencer was wearing silver and was searching for nude pumps to go with her clutch. Aria was wearing a black, bedazzled number and insisted that combat-style ankle boots were the solution. Emily's dress was a simple, cobalt blue - it matched the school colors. She wanted silver shoes, as all of her accessories were in some shade of silver or grey. Alison would have made a joke about Emily's Shark Spirit, if she had been there. Ben would probably like that she was showing school pride.

Pam picked them up from the boutique nearly an hour after she and the girls had arrived there. The girls stuffed their purchases in the back of the SUV before piling into the back seat while Emily took residence in the passenger seat. The girls in the back chattered on excitedly about their purchases and discussed how they would do their hair and whose house they should all get ready at. Emily sat silently with her head leaning against the window. A light drizzle began to fall, and Emily smiled inwardly at the timing. She hadn't felt more like rain in her life.

As always, Hanna was the last to be dropped off before the Fields headed home. Hanna called over her shoulder for Emily to call her later, to which Emily merely nodded sullenly. Pam, who had long since given up trying to get her daughter to talk about the Alison thing, reached a hand over and rubbed Emily's shoulder comfortingly. _I love you_, is what she was trying her best to say.

It was Sunday morning before Emily's father, Wayne, knocked on her bedroom door. She'd locked herself away for the weekend. She answered the phone when Ben called, and forwarded everyone else. It was easy to pretend she was fine with Ben, he didn't know her the way the other three did. At least if she simply didn't answer her phone they couldn't hear how miserable she was. And as long as she allowed Ben to think she was having feminine problems and didn't feel much like going out, he would be none the wiser.

"Em, honey?" Wayne said hesitantly. He poked his head in her door cautiously, and upon seeing her curled up on her bed he let himself in. "Emily."

"Yeah, Dad?" Emily replied in a monotone voice. It wasn't as if she weren't happy to see him, he'd been gone for eleven months before finally coming home in September. But he hadn't been there when she needed him. Not when Alison died, and not before.

"Are you ok, Em?" Wayne reached over and brushed the hair off of her face. "You're not yourself, Emily, and I'm worried."

"Dad, my best friend just died." Emily said flatly. "What do you expect me to be like?"

Wayne was at a loss for words. They hadn't spoken about it at all since he'd returned. He'd asked once how the other girls were handling it and Emily had said that they were doing better than she was and then locked herself in her room. He was used to his house being filled to the brim with other girls he considered his own. Now, his house was as empty as if they had an only child. Emily went to school, swim practice, and spent most week days with Ben after school.

"You went out with the girls, today." He finally said. "That's great. I know they've been missing having you around."

"I know, Dad."

"You don't need to cut yourself off from them, you know." He said. "They loved Ali, too. And they love you more than anything. You girls need each other, now more than ever."

Emily just tucked her knees to her chest and stared out her window. She found herself in this exact position very often these days.

"So, tell me about this Ben of yours." Wayne tried to change the subject as he began to see exactly what Pam had warned him about. Emily was slipping away.

"Ben's great." Emily said shortly, finally pulling herself into a sitting position. "Ben's a great guy."

"That's good." Wayne said, smiling that his daughter was giving him more than single word responses. "When are you gonna bring him around so I can get a good look in his eye?"

"Dad." Emily said, agitated. "You don't need to meet him. It's not that serious, or anything."

"Well it must be something special," Wayne said. "if he's taking you away from your friends."

Emily bit her lip. She knew that her parents would notice that she wasn't with the girls every single day like they'd been since birth. Her mom had asked once if she'd like to invite them over for a sleepover and Emily rolled her eyes. "We just need space."

"So you guys are breaking up?" Wayne's use of the phrase caught Emily completely off guard and she wasn't sure how to respond. She found herself wondering, though, if it were really that obvious. If she had "I'm gay" stamped in English across her forehead or something. "After all these years, you're just going to let yourself walk away from them?"

"They don't understand, Daddy." Emily finally said, her eyes spilling over with fresh tears. She couldn't control herself. Before she knew it, she was flinging her arms around his neck and holding as tight as she could, as if he could save her if she just squeezed a little harder. "Nobody understands."

"I think," Wayne said as he stroked his daughter's hair and held her to him. "that it's time you started talking to somebody."


End file.
